Why do anything at all?

   I was lucky enough to finally watch Ping Pong the Animation with a fellow musician lately, and the exploration of aspiration, fullfillment, and motivation really clicked with me. It's a very poignant show for people who have a strong desire to be somebody or grow. If you're a creative, go watch it. It is absolutely worth the heaps of praise it recieves. Also, it's an 11 episode anime, so I'm not gonna bother summarizing anything. Spoilers and stuff going forward.

   The thing about Ping Pong, at least for me, is that the characters function as a mirror to the self. Are you motivated to be the very best at something, to push your limits as far as they can go like Peco or Sakuma? Or are you like Smile, someone who has talent and ability but doesn't necessarily take joy in being the very best? I find myself more inclined to the latter, myself. I don't mean that in the sense that I'm a virtuoso or particularly skilled at any specific form of art, rather, I relate to Smile playing ping pong because it gives him joy. When he plays table tennis with his best friend Peco, the world clicks into place. Everything fades away, and suddenly the reason he's living this specific life comes into view.

   That's the feeling I chase in my art. Specifically, with my music. Something that I've realized about myself is that I am a live musician through and through. I feel the most zen with the world when I play DIY punk shows with my very best friends. My band, snakeworld!, is likely the single greatest thing to ever happen to my sense of purpose and my artistic soul, and I owe a lot to them for making me feel so special and important. I feel a very strong pull towards performance, I imagine in a similar way that Smile feels toward ping pong. It's my favorite feeling in the world, and it isn't really close. The stress and anxiety all fades away, and the only thing that matters is creating an environment for people to laugh and dance and smile without feeling nervous or embarrassed.

   Another thing about Smile that I find super interesting is how the series ends with him being a ping pong coach for kids, and not chasing any glory like Peco does. I hope to be in that position one day, someone who can inspire and encourage the next generation of artists to create and express themselves in the way that only they can. I will continue to orient myself into a mentorship role when I see younger or more inexperienced artists, and, with any luck, I can influnce them positively. I mean, that's essentially the thesis of my entire youtube channel. I'm sure you get the idea at this point.

   Why do I make art? Because that is my ping pong.