Transsexual // Transgender

   I've been asked about why I refer to myself as a "transsexual" and a "woman" (separate nouns) rather than the more common term "transgender woman". I could craft a singular narrative or framework to quickly explain it to the layman, but it's more fun to write overindulgent blogposts exploring my feelings to an exhaustive degree.

   Perhaps the most explainable reason I call myself a transsexual (mentioned in brief here) is that I have a desire to connect my present day self to the history of queerness, and specifically connect to how it manifested in the 20th century. I find it interesting how the term "transgender" and "transsexual" came to prominence roughly around the same time in the early to mid 1900's, yet "transsexual" is considered outdated while "transgender" is widespread and accepted. Because I have few immediate connections to older trans people, usage of transsexual is a small way I can at least attempt to create a connection point to them, to envision a lineage and inherit something tangible and real from my transsexual mothers.

   Another aspect is that I simply find the term accurate to my experience. Sex and gender are separate ideas, as I'm sure you're all aware. My sex (the physical characteristics of my body that have been culturally determined to signal "male" or "female" [ie, primary sexual organs, secondary sexual characteristics, etc]) leans far more to the female end of the spectrum at this point, and because my sex was previously male, I am a "transsexual". This is my material reality. Meanwhile, my gender is solidly that of a binary woman, with no asterisks. I don't hate the term "transgender woman" (or transsexual woman, for that matter, I've used it to describe myself for simplicity's sake), but it feels like a qualifier, an exception to the gender of woman that must be specified.

   My sex is that of an MtF[1] transsexual and my gender is that of a woman. I can relate to any and all women in terms of gender, but I cannot relate to any cissexuals[2] in terms of transsexuality.

   I won't deny that part my usage of the term transsexual (in reference to myself) is to distance myself from the "polite" term, transgender. It's disruptive to refer to myself using language perceived as outdated, and if someone cant hang with that, I have no issue with keeping them out of my inner circle of friends. It may seem a little "I'm not like other girls"-y, but its a genuine filtering tactic I can use to find the types of people I wish to speak to. I can self select for people who would put up with the other nonsense I talk about.

   Hopefully, this clears some things up. To clarify, this is all a personal preference. If you prefer to refer to yourself as "transgender" instead, I'm happy you found a label that suits you. "Transsexual" suits me.

[1] Would love to discuss the terminology of "AMAB" vs "MtF" in another blogpost.

[2] I don't have a particularly intellectual reason for prefering to call them "cissexuals" over "cisgender people", I mostly just think it's funny.